Winter days in summer

To be honest, I think that the weather is slightly confused... Apparently, we are in the middle of summer ... Yet it feels like a cool early winter afternoon . Not that I'm complaining, my favourite season is autumn and early spring. I love the colour changes and the snugly clothes. I'm currently wearing my brown boots with jeans and a light cardigan , and of course drinking a cup of tea. Maybe I am destined to live in a colder climate governed by woollen garments and snow days ... It's such an enticing idea. But I do love the variety and spontaneity of Australian weather. You could say it even has personality !

Quite unrelated to this post title, but please enjoy the following quote by Roald Dahl, in which I acquired off Pinterest .. See my profile on Pinterest to get its source :) x

Yellow cup of sunshine (coffee?)

Finally , after enduring the wrath of post Christmas sales and all the wonders of stressed customers , I have a day off ! And I am currently sitting on my balcony where I have just finished my breakfast and a lovely cup of coffee .

My house mate , Skye , inherited these little cup and saucer sets from a family friend (or family member, I can't seem to recall the exact detail..) and they are the most gorgeous yellow colour ! They almost match the colour of our couch - they are a little bit warmer version of a sunshine yellow . They are quite solid too - most tea sets I have handled are fine china and I'm always very self conscious that I will break them!

I've actually never been one to use a cup and saucer together on a regular basis . I do prefer the comfort and larger quantity of liquid that a mug can hold .. And it's ability to warm up the hands ! However , I did find it rather refreshing to hold the saucer / plate whilst drinking this cup of coffee , and it seemed just the right size to accompany my cereal . Between you and I , I think my pinky finger did slip up a few times whilst sipping the coffee , but I think it's a perfectly natural reaction given the cup-and-saucer circumstance.

For the rest of my rare day off , I may have to indulge myself in less amusing tasks (various house hold chores which I shall not think about at the moment )... But I can't help but wonder if I should embark on the quest to find a matching , or similar, tea pot ....? My learning curve for today appears to be that I find quite a lot of joy in simple, colorful moments. I shall make it my mission to try and record as many of these as possible .. Xx

Truth

Real, raw truth feels like the gravel stuck in a graze on your knee as you slide on the school yard bitumen.

It is powerful, and I do believe that it is an underestimated force in life. So often we search for love, peace or happiness, driven to pursue a cocktail of emotions that assumably forge well-being .

The thing is, emotions change . They fade or exemplify , they are not a constant , stable state . This phenomena is taught from when we are born - we learn to say "I'm feeling ........ Today". Tomorrow , I may feel something else. Emotions have a vast amount of variables that all weave and intertwine to create fluctuations in perceptions, self and on a completely biological level - the amount of hormones released to determine a specific chemical reaction .

Truth, however, is not temporary . It does not fluctuate or change with time . It is a solid state or fact that cements the foundation for realization, action and opportunity . But it stings ... Truth is not considerate. It can state the obvious or scream subtext at any given moment , and it will really tell you if your butt looks big in a dress (and not be sorry ).

It is does not buckle under pressure or change its mind at the last minute . It is what it is, and that's it.

A lie can often be so much sweeter and appealing, and yet once it's sweetness fades , the truth is always the thing that literally gives you a hit... And I find it interesting that so often I hear people (and myself ) strive 'to be happy' or to 'be at peace '. Not that there is anything wrong about those ambitions , it's just that the reality if setting a goal based on an emotion is that there are several variables to be negotiated. The biggest being , how can it be measured? And how can the variables be controlled to determine a constant state of "peace/happiness?" Do I feel at peace emptying the garbage ? No. Do I feel un-peaceful ? No ... So does the absence of my desired feeling mean I'm not peaceful or achieving it ?

The old saying is that the truth will set you free . And I believe that it has the power to... It just takes time and a lot of effort . There are some things I know in my life that I have not wanted to hear . The truth is not polite , or won't tip toe around the point - it is just there, it just is.

But that's its secret. It is as it is. Truth can not change because it is not hidden, misleading, deceptive or sugar coated . It is real. And that's why it can hurt.

But from encountering truth , I do believe that we have the opportunity to equip ourselves to manage and achieve emotions - whether that be happiness or peace or love . These feelings come as a consequence of encountering and desiring truth.

It's definitely not something you want to bring to a dinner party . But truth will ignite and sustain your being -- rather than succumbing to mountains of variables: like the infamous chocolate bar .

Baby photo

This is one of my favorite baby photos at the moment .. It's of my dad and I .. I don't know how old I was , but I think I carry off the bright jacket quite nicely ! We were pretty photogenic, even though we are looking different ways ! ❤

imovie

So.. leave me alone with a fancy mac computer to do my assessment on imovie... and then i take a tea break... and this is what happens.... I need to get Rusty to be more enthusiastic!

Mind you, this was taken yesterday.. I couldn't quite figure out how to do the pop art effect, but i have a whole lunch break coming up to discover how to do it! xx

Halloween Costume Ideas

The only tradition we had in my family for Halloween was not celebrating it .. But alas, after all these years I have found my perfect costume ! I stumbled upon this cartoon on Pinterest ... Xx

Crosswords

Due to the frequent nature of my blog posts in the last two hour period, you may (or may not ) be aware that I can not fall asleep. So, thanks to the wonders of technology I can veer my accumulating frustration towards sharing meaningful little musings . Well that's the theory anyway ...

My next little musing shall be about crosswords. For the past two weeks I've been recovering from my wisdom teeth removal surgery and surprisingly the best pain relief was distraction. Well, focusing on something else rather than the pain .. And crosswords did just that ! There's nothing like the rush of trying to guess clues about half Egyptian birds or a type of endearment .
Although , I will admit , the more time I spent on them , the more I began to think about words and how they would fit into each other ... And seeing black and white squares when I closed my eyes ... That's when I knew I had to take a break!

Reflections in a dog park

It was quite funny, this morning i set my alarm for 9am, pumped for a massive sleep in. But alas, there were two main factors that got in my way:

1. My new curtains (not block out, designed so i don't sleep in when i need to get up early)
2. My sister coming in at 7:30 to proclaim her annoyance at being up so early.

I must remember these factors for future sleep ins!!

So, anyway, to make up for all this extra time, i took my dog up to the dog park... he is now a brown retriever... rather than a golden one! Whilst i was wandering around, i couldn't help but slip into a reflective train of thought... You see, it is my last shift at the pharmacy i've been working at for over 4 years today... And to tell you the truth, it's strange. More so when i think of where i was as a person when i started 4 years ago.. and where i am now.

I won't go all 'diary entry ohmygosh i've changed blah' on you,  but i'd like to say that it's amazing how time just goes. Flows even. And subtle changes work constantly, until you stop and realise how different things are now compared to back then.  I find it so interesting that we can each establish moments in time from our own experiences and label them 'now', 'present', 'then'. Maybe i am sounding like a philosophy major, but who's to determine that my 'now' isn't someone else's yesterday?

Enjoy my Saturday musings... let me know what you think...  now i must depart and get ready for work! Xx

Means to an End

Yesterday, although this assessment was significantly over due, I handed in a big essay. This may seem quite small and trivial for some, but for me this really signified the beginning of a new phase of my life. Yes, I know how cliche this is sounding... but let me explain.

Last year around this time I decided to drop out of university and work full time... Studying became too overwhelming and I did not believe that i could do it. I had medical reasons, and this seemed to justify my decision to take some time out. But working full time with no purpose in a job with higher expectations that university, led me to consider some new options. I felt like i was discovering myself again and I was tailoring what i wanted to do: by the unfortunate process of elimination. For the second half of 2010 I had been working as a youth leader at a local church co-ordinating their after school care program and sunday school... and having the opportunity to teach and learn from children of all ages got me thinking about studying education.

I never believed that I could be a teacher, even though all through out my life (the short twenty one years) I have enjoyed being around children. Out on a whim one night after work, I decided to apply to Macquarie University for a Bachelor of Arts/Bachelor of Education... I was so busy the next few weeks that i didn't check my offers until later, and i had received an early entry round! It really blew me away, and I accepted... and here I am almost a year later, waiting for my second last exam.

A lot has occurred between now and then, and I don't know whether I have the ability to write or capture what I have experienced and what I have learnt. I'm sure when exams are over i'll be able to share some of my experiences with you, but for now i want to focus on the idea of 'completion'.

To be honest, i'm not very good at finishing things.. whether they be related to uni work.. conversations, projects etc. I am ... spontaneous to say the least.. and when it comes to academia, if it became too hard I would find a way around it, or drop the subject. Yes, I do have medical explanations for this habit, but it was really something that came to my attention over the last year. Last semester I experienced a few hiccups, and so this semester i was determined to finish what i started. And although there has been many tears, coffees, rants, chocolate, driving, reading etc I am excited to say that I have almost finished this semester. That i have completed and attempted all assessments, and not given up.

I know this may seem trivial to some people, but for me it is really a huge landmark! During the year I also released my second book "Almost" - which again was something I started and finished. The clarity and wealth of knowledge and experience I have collected over the last 12 months has been astounding, and i am so thankful for the support which surrounded me.

I really can;t wait to put pen to paper and share some of these experiences with you (after exams of course!)...

So yes.. I thought i'd share this with the world wide web and let you know that i'm still going, still learning and still here! And most importantly.. I'm taking life one step at a time... :)

Reunions & Goodbyes

Stumbling through a sea of changed faces can sometimes be exhausting...

Let me explain..

Today I attended a reunion and it made me feel quite uneasy... Not with the people,  but within myself- I think sometimes is hard to acknowledge the change in yourself by your past reflections.

REALISATION ONE: PEOPLE ARE DYNAMIC, CHANGING BEINGS


Old faces change. People loose and put on weight. Get married. Move house. Starts Ti Chi. Discover vanilla lattes.

Every day we move and adapt to our surroundings. How much are we shaped by our circumstances?

Coffee or no coffee? Mood and self regulation. A constant, changing state.


REALISATION TWO: RELATIONSHIPS & EXPECTATIONS CHANGE


If 'self' changes so radically from day to day, from environment to environment, surely anything connected with another 'self' would have to be managed with this in mind.

Do we shrink or grow? Push or shove? Give or take?

If you're stagnant in expectations & self, what are the nature of your relationships?


REALISATION THREE: THINGS CAN GET MESSY


The subheading says it all, really.


REALISATION FOUR: BUT.... DON'T PANIC.


I'm in the same boat as everyone else.

I have stuff, you have stuff, we all have stuff.

Not quite the 'radical acceptance' theory , but it's learning what stuff to keep and what stuff to throw over board.

Which stuff to acknowledge and foster, which stuff to put out with the trash.

We choose the stuff which gets melded into oars and rudder for direction and control.

I choose whether to use the oars and rudder, and that choice governs my direction & communication.


AND NUMBER FIVE:


Sometimes you've just got to go with it.



xx

Discovery of a lifetime...

Although the above mentioned title may be a slight exaggeration, I would like to share with you my latest and greatest discovery.

I found my coloured pencils.

They have thrown me into a complete nostalgia!

The way they feel in your hand and even their smell seems to reunite a childhood simplicity and joy I can not seem to describe. That all I need to do is to colour between the lines and the greatest decision I will make will be when I sharpen these pencils. They are the tools of the imagination for the young, where we used to create worlds governed by unlimited resources only limited to how much we could fit on the page.

How are we creative today? Can you rediscover the joy of just colouring ? Of creating?

Rainy Day Blues

As the rain pitter patters down outside (and on occasion rushes in bucket loads) I can't help but contemplate the effect the weather may have on mood. Are you more likely to embrace the day when the sun is shining bright in the morning? Or when it's freezing cold?

I understand that may be a bias question, because no one I know in their right mind would like to face the day when as soon as they get out of bed, they turn into an icicle. And it's not like when there is sunshine people jump out of bed and starting singing as if life were a musical.... (although, i must admit, I do know a few likely suspects that may or may not do this regardless...).

However, from extensive research of watching the discovery channel over the years, I am now led to make the observation that humans are the least likely animals/species to adapt to their (or our) environment. For example, if I am feeling cold, or have cold feet, i turn the heater on. Unlike some crazy penguins, who have this amazing thermoregulation thing happening... (Check out seaworld's facts on penguins, it's incredible.)

So, I will admit my observation is not based on years on hard scientific research, and it is very much in my nature to create these long winded hypothetical arguments/observations on the world without much evidence, BUT somehow it does resonate some truth (in my life anyway!). Yes, I am the person on a sunny day, who will go out of my way to find an extra green hill and start singing "The hills are alivveeeeeee...." from the Sounds of Music. And yes, on other sunny days I will hide in front of an air conditioner complaining about the heat and how i turn into a lobster if i spend more than ten minutes outside.

Whatever the weather brings, I suppose we can look at it this way: our mood/emotions can be as scattered and as unpredictable as a weather forecast in Melbourne. (Check out the song "Four Seasons in One Day" by Crowded House).

So from now on, I will make an effort to pack an umbrella, hat, ski gloves and sunscreen!! (just in case..)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! And all that jazz... It's quite interesting to think that the world seems to stop for Christmas. But  then I think, is it for the right reasons? Today I have had the pleasure of meeting up with my Dad's family, and enjoying glorious food and their company. There's nothing like a little bit of Christmas cheer to bring us all together! Although, i find it strange that we take this time each year to see family that we don't normally see. If we don't see them during the year, why now? Why force traditions? Do we do it because that's just what we always have done?

Personally, I think its because there's something special sharing a meal and time with people you care about. Think about it- what was Jesus' last meeting/celebration with his disciples? The Last Supper?

I know my Christmas(es) have always been challenging in a sense, trying to navigate between extended and "step" family- trying to see everyone on the one day of the year we are meant to see everyone- but it really took today to show me to look past it. I tell you a secret- I normally dread Christmas time, because it's always a battle between my parent's families etc. But today, it was such a beautiful thing- to have my Grandma, two uncles, my sister and Dad all share a few hours together! We sat and nibbled wonderful entre creations created by Heather, I  organised some mocktails/cocktails and we all sat down and enjoyed the traditional Christmas lunch... (ham, turkey, chicken... !) Then of course dessert....

But then, I think about why we are doing all this. Jesus. It's often a word that doesn't get mentioned at this time because it's politically incorrect.. But isn't it CHRISTmas?

I think that it's a honour to be able to sit down and celebrate Jesus' birthday with the people we love- and be allowed to have this freedom to do so... How lucky are we?

I work in a pharmacy, and you would be amazed at the increase of scripts for Valium that have come in the closer we get to Christmas. Sometimes it can all seem too much with relatives, presents, stress, getting everything done, catering for everyone, cooking, shopping.... etc. But I guess I just wanted to encourage you to take the time out- relax!- enjoy this time and join in celebration- because the best thing that ever happened to the world (and my life!) was born today. :)

Merry Christmas!xx

Hault

Sometimes when you're forced to stop
 it all make sense.
     Somehow.