Bubbles

I’ve had such an exhilarating day.. just picture yourself indoors, doing university work… going to one lecture… then going back indoors.  Yes, i may have got some progress in my university work load, but the last half an hour i almost went insane. I couldn’t stand being in the library and in the stuffy air and all the sniffing and people who decide that it’s okay to talk on their mobile phones in a quiet area…..

So I had to get outside.

And here I am , sitting outside the library with a chai latte, typing jovially on my laptop. I don’t know what it was- but i feel so much more at peace outside, i had the increasing feeling that i was slowly being sucked in to a narrow minded academia world where people talk like journal articles and reference everything they say whilst listening to ilectures and trying not to check facebook and then trying not to put post its on the person next to you’s divider (which conveniently was my boyfriend in this case)……. You get the idea.

As much as i love studying my subjects (I do genuinely enjoy my subjects this semester) I think i need to make sure I have time to actually enjoy and experience this time in my life, as well as studying. To be honest, organisation and self motivation are my recently introduced friends, so i think i can go overboard with trying to compute everything.

But believe it or not, i’ve actually started doing my assessments early and doing drafts and I EVEN HANDED IN AN ASSESSMENT EARLY! That’s right. You heard it.. Last year i don’t think i handed one assessment in on time… (with 2% or 1 mark penalty a day? !!)

So I suppose i am trying to comprehend this new “emily”- the one who can get organised and can do uni work- with the creative one or any other sense of self i may have held over the last few years. Hmm, maybe BALANCE! would be a useful concept here. And I think maybe everyone else might go through a similar experience- at least in trying to balance all the different aspects of life- and learning how to ‘put on the different hats!’

Do you remember that concept from primary school? Putting on your thinking hat? I remember when I first learnt this concept in year 1 I thought it was fantastic! It was devised by a guy called Edward de Bono  (if you want to check out the wiki article, click here!) For example, if we had to solve a question, we’d look at the different perspectives from the different hats we had on. (We actually had coloured hats, i loved it!) All the different colours meant a different perspective- eg Red was for Emotions and the bad points or judgement was black. In reflection, it taught the class how to consider different perspectives and then to evaluate the problem/question.

So how does this apply? …..

Well, looking at things (aka uni work, sense of self) from these different perspectives. Before you laugh or shake your head, let me explain. Firstly, we should all wear coloured hats. Secondly, I think it’s important to be able to look at situations, who you are, different people, relationships with different perspectives so you can see the whole (or big!) picture. And to also use the analogy to apply to all the different areas of our lives, (eg work, university, social, family, friends etc) and separately they do not form a whole, but when all areas are considered, they form a whole… Me! Or You! (Or physically, a rainbow hat!)

Anyhow, these were the thoughts flying around in my head for this evening. Unfortunately I have finished my chai latte and have to keep it between my legs because the wind keeps knocking it off the table!The sun has almost set, and the clouds are a faded pink… starting to turn into the rich monochrome of the night sky. So I must say goodbye!

Before i do, what do you think about sense of self? Thinking hats? Colours? University libraries??

 

xx

Means to an End

Yesterday, although this assessment was significantly over due, I handed in a big essay. This may seem quite small and trivial for some, but for me this really signified the beginning of a new phase of my life. Yes, I know how cliche this is sounding... but let me explain.

Last year around this time I decided to drop out of university and work full time... Studying became too overwhelming and I did not believe that i could do it. I had medical reasons, and this seemed to justify my decision to take some time out. But working full time with no purpose in a job with higher expectations that university, led me to consider some new options. I felt like i was discovering myself again and I was tailoring what i wanted to do: by the unfortunate process of elimination. For the second half of 2010 I had been working as a youth leader at a local church co-ordinating their after school care program and sunday school... and having the opportunity to teach and learn from children of all ages got me thinking about studying education.

I never believed that I could be a teacher, even though all through out my life (the short twenty one years) I have enjoyed being around children. Out on a whim one night after work, I decided to apply to Macquarie University for a Bachelor of Arts/Bachelor of Education... I was so busy the next few weeks that i didn't check my offers until later, and i had received an early entry round! It really blew me away, and I accepted... and here I am almost a year later, waiting for my second last exam.

A lot has occurred between now and then, and I don't know whether I have the ability to write or capture what I have experienced and what I have learnt. I'm sure when exams are over i'll be able to share some of my experiences with you, but for now i want to focus on the idea of 'completion'.

To be honest, i'm not very good at finishing things.. whether they be related to uni work.. conversations, projects etc. I am ... spontaneous to say the least.. and when it comes to academia, if it became too hard I would find a way around it, or drop the subject. Yes, I do have medical explanations for this habit, but it was really something that came to my attention over the last year. Last semester I experienced a few hiccups, and so this semester i was determined to finish what i started. And although there has been many tears, coffees, rants, chocolate, driving, reading etc I am excited to say that I have almost finished this semester. That i have completed and attempted all assessments, and not given up.

I know this may seem trivial to some people, but for me it is really a huge landmark! During the year I also released my second book "Almost" - which again was something I started and finished. The clarity and wealth of knowledge and experience I have collected over the last 12 months has been astounding, and i am so thankful for the support which surrounded me.

I really can;t wait to put pen to paper and share some of these experiences with you (after exams of course!)...

So yes.. I thought i'd share this with the world wide web and let you know that i'm still going, still learning and still here! And most importantly.. I'm taking life one step at a time... :)

Underbelly Fantasy

After watching Channel 9's debut of Underbelly Razor last night, I realised that we seem to be more fascinated by the fantasy or dramatization of history, than the actual facts. I whole heartedly jumped on the band wagon and enjoyed the depiction of Sydney's 1920's underworld, loving the clothes, glamour and suspense- and the lives of gangsters.

But- even though the rival between Melbourne and Sydney may still exist in relation to fashion and cups of coffee  (i admit i am not up to date on the underground scene in modern times)- in reality, how glamorous would prostitution and gangs have been at that time?

When I think about most reactions to the concept of a brothel or prostitution in our society now- or even gangs or drugs - most people stay way clear. But when we see it glorified- somehow it's ok, it's a lot more approachable & accessible, and it's just on tv, right?

Whilst I love the twenties, I think I'm more in love with the concept of it, rather that the reality..

(Just some thoughts ) x

Weekend Winds

You can tell when August is approaching from all these lovely winter winds which start rustling at the beginning of July. It seems to come like clockwork... Weather seems like such an extraordinary phenomenon , in the mere fact it constantly cycles between four distinct states. Unfortunately I have the habit of complaining about it, when really I should be admiring it- that despite its constant daily fluctuations, in the big picture it adheres to a set pattern.

Seems odd really, that something so unpredictable is set in a pattern, and that even though it may jump to extremes every so often, it will return and behave as expected. Four seasons- Summer, Autumn, Winter & Spring.

And yes, this does get me thinking of the metaphor about the "Seasons of Life", but it seems too obvious to really write about it, but it does offer an interesting insight.... That even in our erratic types of behaviour or emotions, the more you look at the bigger picture, the more a pattern is seen, and more can be put into perspective. But are we in the right cycle?

Evaluation

I think everything should have evaluation forms. I like hearing what I've done right, and what I've done wrong.. and I also like filling them out.

Or maybe I am just fascinated with the power of words and how they can shape an individual. Hmm, sounds slighty generic there... or a bit too much like a thesis for a highschool english essay.

For me, self evaluation starts when I begin to plan to rearrange my room. Which I have been doing the last week. But I think it's a form of self reconstruction. A few friends have walked into my room saying that they've never seen it the same way twice. Which is probably true- a book never stays in one place long. And I'm always dragging my bed to another wall/corner.

Maybe it has been apparent all this time.. but it appears I do not like things to be locked, or set in stone. Especially when it comes down to furniture arrangements. Oh, and career paths.

Sure.

Got to love a bit of salt in the wound.

Hault

Sometimes when you're forced to stop
 it all make sense.
     Somehow.

I've grown rather fond of italics...

To the right of me I have a green lined post it, pinned to a stack of items on my desk. It reads "My ex-boyfriend gave me this post it." And I think that summaries the abrupt but strange reality I am experiencing. Life feels surreal; but I am enjoying it. It's almost like I'm in a dream.

But of course, I am not. Because in my dreams, I woudn't be procrastinating by writing a blog, I would have finished my 2300 word essay worth 55%.

But it's a fascinating thought: What if we were all to wake up tomorrow?  Or what if we had all lulled ourselves into dream, yesterday? Time, reality, perception. All challenged and changed by one thing: me.

Limits

I've just been hit with the strangest thought- what if life was meant to be lived like this? In creative whims, floating on thoughts and relying on them for directions. I'm in this incredible headspace, which feels slightly dangerous, but has lead me from being a poet to an installation artist. Long story.

But then there is always the notion of reality. Is it sustainable to be living like this? Will it ultimately lead me to my demise?

Such questions and thoughts. But I like it.